Baby Believer

Ask me what my beliefs are and I will tell you there is some truth to all things. Ask me if I believe in God and I will tell you that I do not, but I can remember a time when I would wait by the window for my parents to return from shopping and in my mind I would imagine the worst and in desperation would find myself praying for their safety. In return I would whisper to Him that although I was a fake and did not truly believe, I would do anything if He would just bring them home safely. When they would return, my fears would disappear and my promises with them as well, at least until the next time. So it went for longer than I can remember. But time passed and somewhere in between its passing, the sheer terror of things uncontrollable dulled with it, and so my praying with it as well. Oh, there are definitely still times now I worry for loved ones and in those moments I start to feel the panic creep upon me. The possibilities unfold in my mind like those times so long ago but instead of finding myself turning to heaven for security, I now turn to my own hands, dial and find out what I need to know.


12 Step to Kicking Niceness

Niceness can go away. Because it has never done anything for me. What is a smile worth without respect? If all a person has to describe a man is “nice” then either that man is sugar coated and pleasing or that person is unfair and shallow in judgment. Either way, whether perceived or true, sweets leave little to grow any meaningful relationship from and so little to remember and even littler to desire. Has there ever been a word more seemingly benign yet insidiously demasculinizing as “nice?” Pretty? Silly? Niceness can go away because it has never done anything for me. No, I prefer “good.”